#darn...is this what it feels like when dysphoria hits hard

[mister-lady]

I swear I fricken hate being genderfluid sometimes (vent/rant)

[christinaroseandrews]

It’s hard being transgender in Japan.

Just as Ryo who is struggling to be himself when everyone around him thinks he’s weird or out of place. He’s the nail that sticks up, and in Japan, the nail that sticks up gets hammered down.

But things start to change when Jin, a cool older student, is forced to repeat a year. At first Ryo thinks Jin will be like everyone else, but Jin sees him and more... accepts him. Jin thinks that Ryo is cool, has good taste, and is the perfect person to form a clothing brand with him.

Huh... I guess boys really do run the riot. Hmm... that sounds like a pretty cool brand name. ~_^

Boys Run the Riot is an #OwnVoices manga written by a transgender mangaka that has honestly one of the best representations of what LBGTQIA+ life is like in Japan.

It’s also got some of the most gorgeous and amazing art I’ve ever seen in manga. The character design is so well done. But even more than that the sheer amount of detail and thought put into every panel is honestly stellar. The very first panel setting the scene in a subway station is so incredibly accurate that you can actually pinpoint which subway station it is from the details.

The whole manga is like this. Not necessarily in color... but the artwork is so beautiful.. so in depth and filled with so much meaning. It’s on par with the art that was in Spider-man Into the Spider-verse... There’s an absolutely beautiful piece of graffiti that Ryo does that quite frankly brought tears to my eyes.

Like it’s so, so very good.

I don’t want to spoil it so instead I’ll share a close up of the artwork from the cover...

The way the clothing is rendered. The graffiti on the walls. The shift in clothing depending on what’s in the background. It’s honestly amazing art.

And that matters.

But what matters more is the beauty and relatability of Ryo. Ryo feels real. He feels true. He’s got flaws and foibles but he’s also lovable and caring and has an inner-resilience that makes me want to give him a hug and tell him he’s valid. But I don’t need to, because he’s got an amazing ally and friend in Jin. I feel that all of us need a Jin in our lives. A friend who wants to be with us because they think we’re cool and want us to live our best lives. A friend who will accept us for who we are. A friend who will call us out on our B.S. A friend who wants you to be honest with them because they’ll be honest with you. A friend who will forgive you when you mess up.

Seriously we need a Jin.

What Jin and Ryo have is a true bromance... not a romance. Ryo has a crush on his other friend, Chika, who is a little weird herself but she owns it.

This manga also really hits what it’s like to be transgender in a fairly sexist society. Because, let’s face it... Japan is pretty darn sexist... worse than the United States. Whereas in the states it’s okay to have friends of all genders, it’s less okay in Japan. Especially as teens. It’s hard to be a transgender teen anywhere. It’s hard to be transgender in Japan.And it’s really well represented here. There are some other content warnings that people should be aware of:  CW: Transphobia, Homophobia, Sexism, Misogyny. Gender Dysphoria, physical violence (teacher on student), bullying. I also really appreciated the author interview at the back of the manga. The fact that the cover was created specifically for the English release is kind of cool to know.

BTW read the liner notes. Seriously. Read the liner notes. There’s some really great information there. A+ for the publisher for doing this.

This manga is stellar. Magnificent. More people need to know about it. I also really appreciated the author interview at the back of the manga.

Seriously... read this.

Five Stars

If this is your jam, you can get it here.

If you like these kind of honest reviews, please consider supporting us here!

I received an ARC of this manga via NetGalley

[sky-designs]

Yes I am trans and yes I love my family.

     I come from somewhere, that somewhere helps to guide me towards where I go. I have my family to thank for that accompaniment, my parents for the gift of life and my friends as well for making the crappy things fun. But for now, it’s time to get closer to those whose genes I closely resemble, being a lady of course. Peace is what I strive for. And feeling a part of the world for me is the most important family I desire to learn from. There is my blood, and the world is my family origin because I see no separation between anything. It is by knowing them and digging deeper that I see that I am not an alien, but a reflection of collected moments of beauty within this outside world of life. I am the result of billions of years of evolution with the consciousness to be myself, whatever the hell that means :D I can feel my wings growing already. We are no mistake and we are definitely not created for god’s pleasing to manipulate us, sorry religion but there is no creator outside of us humans, believe me, or not I don’t care I believe myself. We are definitely free beings and the world out there is crying for us to adapt to it and respond to fill the void inside ourselves, that is, to externalize our thoughts and make of them a deliberate object with weight. So yeah... the road outside of anger is the way into love, and the way into love happens through passion, devotion, and the assured sense of self-confidence that leads one to a sense of peace where they can finally say oh my gosh I actually love myself, I'm amazing, look at how amazing my life is, and then gently pride is released from a dormant stubborn hateful self, and then freedom comes... finally we breathe and experience flow again, the earth is in us, it guide us, we are not mad, we actually flower as children in touch with the history of our land. We know our body, we love our mind, we know what we want, and we will stay alive knowing that our family is life,      My dysphoria is temporary and an unfair way to treat me when I know I am a lady. It is a state of which I disapprove of how I look and feel. Society makes it more difficult because not to be hated on I often sacrifice my own happiness. The good part is that I can change that. I thank science for supporting me because it makes me know for certain that I am not mad and that what I am feeling is backed up with reason. I am transgender under the bio/psycho/social model. I was born with messed up chromosomes most likely because of fertility treatments in the day or maybe even the genetic predisposition my life gave. Following this my life’s experience drove me more towards feminine things because of my genetic structure my interest were lighter, Then puberty hit and drug problems came into the picture. I learned to use drugs to cope with my hormone imbalance, that is to be specific the large doses of testosterone that changed the sweet child me into a disaster and an angry and lonely broken mess. All of this is the social part the psychology part is that I felt dysphoric. I knew something was wrong with me but I couldn’t put a finger on what the heck that feeling could be so sadly I became angry at the world, angry at god until finally I hit rock bottom and became maliciously angry at myself. I remember once I told me mom when I was young that I was gay just to test her seeing how she would react about that, when really I wanted to tell her I was trans but I figured telling her that first and seeing how she would react would give me a pretty good idea if she were ready to hear me out about being trans. So here’s my story, I go to mom after having a truly intimate discussion with her about like. Yes, my mom has always been there for me. She wasn’t overly busy for her success. What she cared about was spending time with me, and what I have learned from her through our social interaction I will never give up for the world.... I love you mom :). So anyways I went to tell mom that I thought I might be gay and I explained a few things, but she really didn’t think that was the case, and honestly neither did I so I can’t blame her for laughing it off because really looking back on it now as my adult self I realize how wrong my approach was.  You LGBTQ+ enthusiast do not dare ever criticize my mother, I swear I love her and you are getting the wrong impression if you ever dare to say so. My mom was my best friend when I was a kid. Yes, I had friends at school but I felt so darn dysphoric that I had a hard time making real lasting relationships with friends. So I remained popular because people thought I was cool for whatever reason, but I never felt good in me. I felt alone, and scared and isolated. So back on the gay thing with mom, the way she reacted was kind of sweet actually. What she said was look if you’re gay I won’t love you any less, but she did insist that she thought I wasn’t gay. Truth be told I knew I wasn’t either so when the mirror was pointed back at me I sort of froze because I figure that if she knew I wasn’t gay she knew me so well she probably already knew I was trans.  So there I was in my innocent brain repressing these memories not knowing what was going on in me. Not having the words, the confidence or the support... So here I need to protect my mom again because she is my mom you fluffers she gave me life so do you really think I'm going to dare put her down. I know she did her best and I know she thought me to do the same. So if anyone has anything to criticize well yes I was a mommy’s boy back then. The reason I did that was because she was the only one who made me feel like a girl. You can argue that the fact that my dad wasn’t in the picture played a role in my gender development, but I know for a fact that this goes way beyond my mother’s separation with her first husband - my dad. This is the story of my life Tumblr it was a difficult one. And the worse part is it was never anybody’s fault, and blaming anyone was seriously only reason to perpetuate the problem.  Victim of victims, the world carries on. Hurt and hurt again, but then forgave and forgotten. Growth comes over time, to others time is not enough, but the truth always remains you’ll never be free until you forgive, no not others but yourself. Growth leading to depersonalization is not necessary, but one thing is certain; family extends all across existence, and relationships with others yet unknown to you at the moment, will later be the proof of your new identity.      Never lose hope. If tonight is dark, all you need to do is wait for tomorrow to come and the sun will rise again. New days are meant to bring change. It influences our thinking as light creates serotonin and various other happy feeling chemicals and vitamins and this rise in consciousness is bound to bring about new solutions.      All this to say my family may cause me hardships, but if I am to be educated myself and honest I do admit I didn’t know everything myself even though I was trans. I just didn’t have the lexicon. The coping skills or even the ability to know when I was mad I was actually just dysphoric and incapable to express the pain I felt because truth remains that there are no good systems to truly support and include trans people into culture, Hi, my name is Vanessa and that’s why I exist, I like being between worlds because it's the only time I feel alive and perfect like the beautiful symmetry openness acquires. I failed to react properly and I owe the world an apology for not coming out earlier. But if I am to truly mean this sorry the world must understand that what happened to me was not my fault.      It is to say that I didn’t mean to lack education. And if I were ever to be accused of lacking education I would redirect the person claiming it to a website of school boards where they can encourage an actual sex-ed class that is precise, safe and fucking honest enough to educate kids about the variety of sexual relationships.

     I didn’t mean to be shot down at every attempt I had to embrace my femininity. I didn’t mean to think the only way I could get through my day was by making people laugh about me so hard so that I could try to get out of the body and forget how disgusted I was with the body I was in my relating to the bad hate jokes I set on myself so that I could commonly let others feel what I felt. I developed a whole bunch of unhealthy fetishism that ultimately destroyed my relationships and brought me close many times to my own death. So I thank my upbringing, for keeping me through the hardest of times because as hard of a life my mom may have given me at the time she prepared me to never back down and I love her eternally for that. And let’s just say 9.5 grams of mushrooms during a time of turmoil is a hell of a scary ride I was glad to come back from... because I do admit much times I was sure I wouldn’t. That’s aside from the psychosis I had where I thought I was already dead stuck in dream life. So there’s proof that I have a strong will to live and that’s what I want to tap into. I want to live to 100. Whether I make it or not doesn’t really matter, what matter is I will do everything in my power to try to make it happen and I will make it my mission to prove that trans people should not be in danger. They should be like me and you, normal people.

     I don’t write this so that any of my readers can fear that I am unstable and that I will kill myself. Don’t worry Tumblr. I have come far and long to know that if I didn’t kill myself when I didn’t know what I was suffering from was gender dysphoria and I was on a ridiculous amount of mushrooms and various other psychedelics that pretty much ruined my life because of how irresponsibly I used them over months at a time. The landing nearly killed me but I was glad to have a support system that caught me before I... well I think you get the point.      But you see all this to say, I don’t regret what I did. I swear to you God if you exist, the sins I committed needed to be done so that I could free my soul from my demons I had no clue haunted me. So that I could experience what it was to be set free and have the chance to express my own identity joyfully without impeding on the beauty of other which my failed emotional security often got in the way.      I did it once and I got stomped down but this time I want to be certain to be against no one and talk bad about no one so that everyone can see I'm not that nervously undefined kind of trans person, I am me and I am proud to me and I am proud that you reading can assert the same, and if not I hope you make it your life mission to do so. I’m more like that certain person that respects myself enough not to need to get mad at others anymore It will still happen, but I know the more I look at me, the less I hate beauty outside of me. I know I deserve beauty, and I’m learning to see that even if the opportunity was taken from me I no longer need to blame god. I understand science has a cause and a solution, and I know my brain is just craving communion.      Actually, to be honest with myself I never was disrespectful with anyone. I always leave people a safe space to express themselves. I think being genuine is what gives us hope to stay alive. My only problem is communicating truth when I'm lying about feeling good in my body. I messed up because I should have come across one who truly knew how bad and deadly dysphoria can feel - our suicide statistics exist for a reason.... Our differences at times isolate us but they also make us feel special when we are amongst others because it makes learning a constant journey in life. Our differences are the reasons for the people we love. They are the reasons for those we let go of. They are the reasons for all things that happen to us because our thoughts literally manifest our actions, or of course, if the self-judge becomes too indulgent we become inactive and self-reflective, doubtful, and over time plainly paranoid.      The truth here is that violence amongst people is no longer a single person case scenario, it’s the result of social isolation and antagonism, and antagonizing and banishing the unwanted has only resulted in the destruction of humanity. All parties are to blame, and the problem is we haven’t come to a common consensus where every single person can stand up and say NOBODY and yes even the worst of people deserves to be isolated from its own humanity. The world creates events, good and bad for us to strive to be the noblest. Through thick and thin we decide what we like and how to love it depending on the bio/psycho/social reason.      Why I'm talking so broadly is to remind you who I am. I am a butterfly by the name of Vanessa. And when I speak. I speak from the sky, a place where I dream in every night. Flying from above, light, relieved and filled with fluidity and belief. A large world is down here on earth, and its mother spirit is filled with beauty calling from her telling us to come and join, to join as a flower child - merely a symbol of beauty and nature, a sign of love.       Then came father the stable and yet wholesome archetype, one further from home. One more distant because of the need to understand that the only woman has the close bond with the child while men and sperm carriers remain genetically distant because they do not carry children if born cis-male. This is the problem for me. I want to be a pregnant trans-woman, and it truly is my only desire that I see could truly make me die happy. I will not be the first one to undertake the procedure, not the second one, but for those future generations to come who suffer the same fear, the problem will be resolved, and behind it all one name will be known of, “Vanessa Sky” and her love for a health filled life of wisdom and truth she relied on made her open to transpire gender norms to make a man perfect woman and woman perfect man, an eternal understanding of humanity’s youth in the broader scale of the universe, and thus develop a sympathy so deep war will no longer be able to exist, because no name for it will be necessary, I know I sound madly Utopic and possibly unrealistic, but what is a trans-woman to do when she’s alone? Live in misery? Or make of her fantasy a definite reality throne? ~ Toodles love’s - Vanessa Sky out :3